Feni's Ficlets
by Fenikkusuken
Summary: A repository of OneShots created by rogue plot bunnies running amok on my hard drive. Intended to be humorous; if you are a devout IY canoneer, better look elsewhere for reading material! Rated for suggestive situations and language...
1. The Kiss

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything, and definitely NOT Inuyasha…

**A/N: **This oneshot bit of silliness was the result of reading Nelson Bannaba's Jaken/Adult!Rin fic entitled 'Strange Love'. I encourage you to go have a look at it; not a usual pairing, but she puts an interesting spin on it!

The vision of Jaken in a white polyester leisure suit and toupee just wouldn't leave me alone. Sorry…

First posted on Live Journal, April 10, 2006.

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**The Kiss**

Jaken was discontented. Smoothing a small knobby claw over his newly-washed toupee, he glanced around the dimly-lit lounge while taking a sip of his Mai Tai. Couples, some human, some youkai, some a mix of the two races, were sitting together or slow dancing on the small under-lit floor.

_Not a single prospect_, he sighed, toying with the heavy gold chain that kept catching on the hair of the expensive chest-rug he'd invested in only the day before. He'd special-ordered it to complement the deep-vee neckline of his newest custom-tailored leisure suit.

Taking another sip of the vividly-coloured drink, his eye was caught by graceful movement just across the darkened room. Luckily for him that swallowing is a reflex, or he'd have dribbled bright fluid down the front of his immaculate white jacket as his jaw slackened.

She was gorgeous...a goddess...a girl...no…a woman, dressed in an exquisite white-patterned apricot dress that was snug enough to display a body that made any demon's knees go weak. _If only I had knees to experience the pleasure_, he mentally groaned while feasting his bulbous eyes on her luscious curves. Her long dark hair was swept to the side by a simple clip, and her moist pink lips had that slightly pouting appearance that almost screamed to be passionately pecked.

Jaken couldn't tear his eyes away as this vision of loveliness looked towards him, and began crossing the room in his direction, her brown eyes warm and inviting, her hips swaying sensuously. He couldn't believe his good luck when she slid onto the stool beside him and flashed a flirtatious side-long look before ordering a daiquiri; he frantically marshaled his thoughts. He needed an extra-special line, something really _suave_ to begin reeling in this sleek beauty. Distracted by her pink tongue licking her full lips, he nearly lost himself in fantasies of his small, damp apartment ringing with her cries of pleasure...

The daiquiri was set in front of her, and the woman thanked the bartender with a dazzling smile that Jaken immediately wanted for himself.

She glanced his way as she plucked the long-stemmed cherry from her drink and popped it into her mouth. Jaken watched her, mesmerized, as her lips pouted and slid over each other, hinting at the activity inside her hot, wet mouth...

A moment later, she delicately removed the intact cherry from between her lips...the stem was now twisted into an intricate clove hitch. Balancing it between slim, manicured fingers, she smiled at Jaken knowingly, as the dazed imp was clearly imagining just what that nimble tongue could do to other parts of his anatomy.

He didn't resist when the woman took his hand and helped him off the tall barstool, then walked him around the bar to a quiet nook just behind the speakers. "Wh-what's your name?" he managed to croak as the rain-haired temptress effortlessly lifted and pinned him against the wall, her curves pressed against his.

"Rin" she breathed in his ear, and then she blew his mind with a plundering kiss that confirmed the dexterity of her tongue and gave promise of even more erotic delights to follow...as soon as he could get her to a less-public location. The kiss ended, and he was barely aware of her setting him down on his shaking legs, but he noticed when she moved that magnificent body away from him, and he felt bereft. The woman ran a teasing finger down the lapel of his somewhat-less pristine jacket before turning and sashaying away.

"Wait...but...you..." he spluttered, trying to make his brain and his tongue connect, when his grey matter was more interested in chatting with his groin.

"Thanks for that, mister." She winked over her shoulder at him.

"But wait! You're leaving? _Now_?"

"My girlfriends said I'll have to kiss a lot of frogs before I find my prince, so I started with you. Ta-ta!" She blew him a kiss, and was gone.

_By the fifth hell_... Jaken moaned, as a once-magnificent erection, the best in centuries, deflated rapidly, and he straightened himself before tottering back over to the bar to reclaim his now-diluted drink. _Just when I thought I was actually going to get laid_... then his brain kicked over what she had said.

"Hey! I'm a _toad_, not a frog, wench!"

_finis_


	2. The Marking

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything…especially not Inuyasha

**A/N: **This popped into my mind and ran around giggling insanely after a rant by the very talented Wheezambu on the overuse of mating marks, rituals, etc. in fanfic, and expressed the desire for just one fic where Inu marked his territory in a proper dog-like fashion.

If you are a die-hard romantic on the issue of Inu/Kag's 'first time', better quit reading now…

First posted on Live Journal April 12, 2006

**The Marking**

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Kagome sighed happily, luxuriating in the steaming, mineral-laden water of the hot spring. She was briefly alone for once, Sango and Shippo having gone back to the campfire to supervise Miroku's cooking efforts. Idly stirring circles in the water, Kagome frowned as she thought about Inuyasha. They'd had another run-in with the wolf prince that afternoon, and it had taken three 'sits' to subdue the hanyou in the length of time it took her to disentangle her fingers from Koga's clutches. Once the subduing spell had worn off, Inuyasha had pinned her with a ferocious glare and disappeared into the forest. She knew he hadn't gone too far; since the Tsubaki incident, he was far more attentive and careful of her. In fact, unless she missed her guess, he was probably skulking around in a tree right now...with his back to her, of course.

She, Shippo, Sango and Miroku had continued on their way after Koga and his faithful lieutenants disappeared in a cloud of dust. Inuyasha showed up just as the monk and kitsune were building a fire, dropped a couple of gutted rabbits, cast her a searing glance, and promptly vanished again. The girl sighed again, but not so happily. _If only he saw me as more than just the shard detector..._ She dwelt on that thought for just a moment before shaking her head firmly to dispel the thoughts before they ruined what was left of her previous good mood.

Sloshing out of the water, Kagome wrapped herself in a towel and quickly dried off before dressing in her school uniform. The knot in her scarf had barely been tightened when the hanyou dropped out of the tree, nearly on top of her, startling her into a shriek, which was cut off by clawed fingers clamping over her mouth. His grip wasn't painful, but firm enough to stifle any more protests. Inuyasha's ears were flattened, and the look in his amber eyes brought her to a stand-still.

"No more screaming, wench," he growled, and gave her a little shake to emphasize his words. She nodded, eyes very wide, and he took his hand away.

Kagome rubbed her cheek where his claws had pricked her. "What do you want, Inuyasha, that you felt you had to scare me half to death?" The intensity of his gaze made her back away a bit, which brought on a low growl. Suddenly rather unsure, she held still and eyed him carefully. _What's up with him...?_ The hanyou seemed to assess her carefully, then straightened himself a little, as if he'd come to a decision of some sort.

All the girl could do was squeak when Inuyasha tossed her over his shoulder and took off at a dead run. Her first response to being treated like a sack of rice, when she caught her breath, was to screech the 's' word, but as she inhaled, he took them airborne into the foliage. Kagome shut her mouth, and compressed her lips into a thin line. _I'll just wait until he puts me down,_ she thought angrily. _Who does he think he is, treating me like this!_

They landed with a light thump, and Inuyasha crouched to set her gently on her feet...but he didn't step away, instead loosely circling her waist with his arms, his trailing sleeves brushing against the backs of her bare legs. Kagome's breathing stalled, and her heart began thumping irregularly in her chest until she felt faint, and all thoughts of a 'sit' flew out of her head when Inuyasha breathed in her ear, "Wench, it's time...to make you mine."

"Wh-what?" she stammered, conscious of the heat of his body, how his pulse jumped in his throat, how his silver locks fell forward to drape over the curve of her breast, hidden under the sensible, sturdy fabric of her school uniform. He suddenly seemed _too_ close; she brought up her hands, flattened her palms on his chest, tried to push away a little...and stopped, again, at his low warning growl.

"What do you mean, Inuyasha?" she whispered, daring to meet his eyes...and found herself melting into dark golden pools.

"This will bind us together, Kagome...make it clear, once and for all, that you are _mine_."

"Wh-what...are you going...to do...?" Heart pounding, she waited, a little fearful of his answer, and what might happen next, but wanting it all the same.

"Mark you..." His voice dropped into a lower register that was both thrilling and intimate; Kagome's knees nearly buckled on the spot.

"O-okay..." Her voice was breathy and she found herself trembling slightly. _Does he want me on my hands and knees...or on my back...?_ She was distracted by his hands fumbling at his waist, moving the Tetsusaiga around behind his back, tugging the side opening of his hakama around to the front, and lifting her skirt before pulling her hips against his.

_Dear gods!_ she mentally squealed. _Standing up! Not exactly how I'd pictured my first time..._ Hesitantly, she began moving to hook her leg up over the hanyou's hip. This was met with another low growl and a light nip on the side of her neck.

"Be still, wench. I don't want to miss."

"Uh...w-will it hurt this way?" She quavered back, tensing, wanting reassurance.

"Nah...just don't jump around, okay?"

Kagome held still then, and his hands slid around her to grip her hips tightly; his claws prickled even through the bunched fabric of her skirt. She felt _something_ nudging against her inner thigh, and gulped...then suddenly realized she was still wearing her underwear, which she was fairly sure would be in the way. "Umm...Inuyasha...?"

"Hush...here it comes..." he whispered roughly into her ear, clutching her tighter and shivering slightly. Warm fluid flooded over her skin and ran down her leg, cooling rapidly, until by the time it hit her knee, it was cold. Kagome stiffened as the flood became a veritable torrent, Inuyasha breathing heavily in her ear. Her soaking-wet sock was inching down her calf, and her loafer filled rapidly.

Then the _smell_ hit.

While Kagome's mind went into lockdown, the hanyou let out a small noise of satisfaction and released her, stepping back and adjusting his hakama into some semblance of order. Kagome stared helplessly at him, then down at her overflowing brown shoe, her mouth working soundlessly.

"I'll have to renew it every time you have a bath...every couple of days, I expect, unless you get wet by accident." He was very matter-of-fact, bringing Tetsusaiga back to its accustomed place at his hip. Kagome blinked slowly, while her brain ran around in circles flapping its hands, squealing 'eeyew!' Buying time for it to catch up, she bent, kicked off her shoe, dumped out the pungent-smelling yellow liquid, then pulled off her dripping sock and used it to wipe down her leg. Wringing it out, she grimly pulled the sock back on and worked her foot into the damp shoe.

The hanyou watched all this in silence, his head cocked on one side, a bit of a proud smile curving his lips. Kagome caught the expression as she lifted her head...and then her mouth engaged.

"You...you _peed_ on me!" she roared, balling her fists. He fell back a step, raising his hands to ward off the expected blow, his look changing from pride to puzzlement.

"Keh! No shit. Told you I was marking you!"

"But...but..." Kagome squeezed her eyes tightly shut, trying to formulate a response that didn't necessarily _start_ with a 'sit'.

"What the hell were _you_ expecting, wench?" He folded his arms into his sleeves and arched an eyebrow at the incandescent girl.

The resulting crater took several decades to fill in.

_**finis**_


	3. The Scourge of the Sands

Disclaimer: I don't own anything… especially not Inuyasha

A/N: This is an out and out parody, painted in very broad brushstrokes! Inspired by a plot bunny named 'Rudi' and modeled on Rudolph Valentino's insanely popular silent films 'The Sheik', and its sequel 'The Son of the Sheik'…plus dramatic historical romance novels in general. There's more clichés in here than you can shake a stick…er, scimitar…at!

First posted on Live Journal April 26, 2006

**The Scourge of the Sands**

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"Unhand me, you _barbarians_! How _dare_ you! This is an _outrage_..."

The feminine shrieks of near-hysterical anger could be heard clearly across the rapidly cooling desert sands, as the dark-haired, curvaceous young woman was manhandled, as gently as possible, towards the open flap of the silken tent. The silent, indigo-draped women propelled her inside, through the foyer, into the inner chamber and tumbled her onto the opulently tasseled and beaded cushions.

Kagome twisted herself upright to sitting, panting in fear, as she took in her surroundings. A spacious room within what was obviously the leader's tent, the fabric walls billowing lightly in the evening breeze. A costly Turkish carpet protected her from the ground, and piles of luxurious velvet and silk-covered pillows lay scattered about. Nothing appeared poised to ravish her at that precise instant, so she calmed her breathing and considered the events that had lead to her current terribly scandalous situation, which was certain to ruin any chance she may have had of making an advantageous match back home...if she ever returned to England. Who knew what these foreign devils had planned for her?

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It was early afternoon when their sight-seeing caravan was attacked outside the purported ruins of Carthage; that lecherous preacher had insisted on visiting the site of Rome's triumph at the end of the Punic Wars, saying he desired a bottleful of the salted ground as a souvenir. She and her faithful lady's maid, Sango, had been resting under the shade of a tarpaulin as their Bedouin guides had brewed strong, sweet tea...when there was shout, a thunder of hooves, and they were surrounded.

As she and Sango clutched each other, bewildered and disoriented by the swirling sand, the circling horsemen, the screams and cries of fear...she saw Him. Astride a magnificent white stallion, robes the colour of a desert sunrise shimmering in the heat waves, the rest of his face hidden by a fold of his white burnoose, ...for just a moment, their eyes had locked, and she felt a strange heat pool in her loins.

Eyes as golden as the coins worn by their guides, heavily rimmed in the dark kohl used by the desert dwellers to protect their vision from the harsh glare of the sun, had pierced her soul with their fiery, conquering gaze. He gestured with his gloved hand, and she was torn away from Sango, dragged up across the lap of another horseman and carried off, vainly struggling, into the desert.

She was exhausted by the time they reached the infidel camp, and did not offer much resistance when she was finally allowed to touch ground again, her hat lost and her hair wantonly disarrayed. Still somewhat stunned, she attempted to straighten her smartly-cut redingote coat and smooth down her voluminous skirt. Before she could properly regain her sense of dignity, she was surrounded by women swathed in robes the deep purple-blue of the Atlas Mountains at sunset, her arms firmly gripped, and she was carried off to a large tent, where her torment truly began.

Despite her struggles, and pleas for mercy, she was summarily stripped of her protective layers of coat, skirt, patent boots, blouse, lawn petticoats, corset, linen chemise and silk stockings. Kagome kicked and screamed, and even scratched and bit as she was reduced to bare skin and humiliation...but the worst was yet to come. The senior of the women, who sported a black eye-patch, pointed derisively at the nest of curly dark hair defining the apex of her creamy thighs, and the next thing she knew, she was being held down, spread-eagled, as other women went to work on removing the downy covering of her Mound of Venus. They didn't stop there; even her underarms were plucked clean of hair, and Kagome wondered if she would ever regain her English-rose complexion. She closed her eyes, gritted her teeth and 'thought of England' as her beloved sovereign undoubtedly would have done, should the august Victoria Regina have ever found herself in this situation.

The pain of the threading was cooled by the application of the juice of some desert herbs, but the excruciating pain of her humiliation? That had no easy cure, and must be borne with a _very_ stiff upper lip. She submitted to being bathed, her hair washed and combed, her body oiled and perfumed, and then she was garbed in a skimpy lavender silk chemise that revealed as much of her virginal alabaster skin as it concealed. Her wrists were been bound with a silken scarf, and she was lead to her doom.

It was when she realized that she was leaving the relative safety of the women's tent for the unknown that she gave way to her fears and began abusing her captors with all the righteous indignation of a proper young lady who had reached her limits. Her guards only grinned toothily, and left her in the silken stillness.

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Kagome shivered suddenly, her rosy nipples becoming erect, as the tickling desert breeze crept under the walls of the tent, brushed over her newly-bared skin and caused her to again feel the heat of humiliation stain her cheeks. It was at that moment her captor arrived. There was a swish of fabric as the divider was pushed aside, and then He was there, molten gaze boring into her, garbed in truly barbaric splendor. Boots of richly tooled Moroccan leather, loose trousers and robe of crimson silk, an ivory-hilted scimitar thrust through the sash at his waist, and a flowing pure white over-robe completed the image of a true Son of the Desert.

His lower face remained covered, but those eyes devoured her in a single hooded glance. Kagome was under few illusions as to the probable fate of her innocence at his hands, but was horrified at how her body eagerly responded to his silent appraisal, that same warm, liquid feeling making her feel faint. He pulled away the concealing veil, and she could now see his arrogant smirk as he began to divest himself of his robes. The first items to drop at her feet, his gloves, sparked her into action; she scooted backwards and found herself only deeper in the pile of cushions. The desert chieftain chuckled at her maidenly panic and continued to disrobe; Kagome found herself completely distracted by the sight of his masculine beauty.

She snapped herself out of her perusal of his muscular torso when his sword thumped to the ground, his sash fluttering to drape over it like a woman embracing her destiny. Moistening her full lips, she desperately hoped that this smouldering-eyed pillager of maidenly virtue understood the Queen's English. "Sir," she began, sitting up straight and modestly shielding her comely breasts with her arms, "It is dishonourable to take a woman against her will..."

"Oh, you will be more than willing by the time I am done with you, little flower." His voice was gently mocking...and held a trace of Eton in its tones.

She sat up straighter, and raised her chin. "I am a British subject, and I demand that you release me forthwith!"

Another chuckle, and his boots were now discarded. He glided toward her, like a stalking cat, and Kagome swallowed hard as she looked up at the man towering over her. He dropped to his knees and took her chin in his strong fingers, his hypnotic eyes only scant inches from hers as he studied her face, focusing finally on her moist pink lips. "Little flower, do you expect a detachment of the Coldstream Guards to ride in to save you? I am the law and the master here, and you will learn to obey."

Then his lips crashed onto hers, and she was pressed back into the pillows, her bound wrists pinned above her head, her firm bosom arched up against his manly chest. She attempted to fight, to struggle against his steely grip, but alas, it was to no avail. When she went limp, tears rimming her dark fluttering lashes, he gentled the kiss, and his hand began to caress her delicious curves, lingering longest over her thinly-covered rosy pink peaks until the tingling flesh hardened, and she gasped against his lips. He took the opportunity to delve inside her sweet mouth, and smiled to himself when he sensed her crumbling resistance.

Pulling back, he trapped her with his gaze, and trailed his hand down her flanks, raising goose-bumps on her delicate flesh. He hesitated a moment before brushing aside the thin silk lightly veiling her naked beauty, and the spell was broken. Kagome began to struggle in earnest, and twisted her hips violently to the side in a vain attempt to preserve what little tattered shreds of her modesty remained.

"Oh! _Oh!_ Unhand me, you beast! You are not a man if you..."

The golden-eyed man laughed then, released her wrists, and sat back on his heels grinning shamelessly at her; Kagome was transfixed by what appeared to be a glint of _fang_ at the corner of his lips. His eyes crinkled with humour, and he reached up to swipe off his burnoose, revealing silver-white hair that spilled down his back and over his muscular shoulders...and a pair of dog ears perched on the top of his head. Kagome blinked, and stilled as she stared at the twitching appendages, her cerulean blue eyes glowing with astonishment.

"As it happens, I am a _male_, but not exactly a man, my dear." She was still gaping when he dropped his silken trousers, and his engorged manhood was revealed in all its turgid glory. Kagome let out a shriek and covered her face with her hands, which allowed her captor to remove her filmy robe and cover her quaking form with his masculine intent. She cried out in fear, and he sealed her lips with his own, sliding and shifting against her, growling deep in his throat as she trembled.

"Do not worry, my Pearl of the Desert. You will experience such pleasure at my hands that the rest of the harem will be jealous of your ecstasy..." he purred, his tongue scribing circles down her lily-white throat as he moved to enjoy the soft favours of her virgin bosom. "Give me your name, little flower, so that I may memorize the taste of your nectar..."

"K-kagome..." She whimpered, his firm stomach muscles brushing against her naked womanhood, as he slid further down her body, until his hot breath seared her most intimate flesh.

"I am Inuyasha, Scourge of the Sands...and I claim you as mine." His mouth began tracing patterns of liquid desire on her rose-petal thighs, and she couldn't stop the moans of pleasure bubbling from her lips as he ventured closer and closer to her moistening temple of delight. Her hips bucked upward of their own accord when his tongue slid over her, and she cried out again, but this time in pleasure, not fear. Too soon, far too soon, she rode the rapturous waves of bliss, and lay, sweat-slicked and panting, as her captor rose up over her, golden enchantment in his heavy-lidded gaze.

He removed the bond restraining her wrists, and she wrapped her arms up around his neck even as her legs hesitantly rose to welcome him into her portal of pleasure. "Your nectar is sweeter than any honey I have tasted, my pearl," he whispered against the shell of her ear. "I could become addicted..."

Kagome flushed, blooming like a delicate desert flower, opening fully to engulf the length of his fleshy scimitar as he sheathed it with aching slowness, their cries of pleasure echoing among the starry reaches.

**_finis_**


	4. The Proposition

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything related to InuYasha…especially not Sesshomaru (luckily for him).

**A/N:** A pure, unadulterated crack!fic. I apologize. Not enough sleep; too much coffee.

First reared its head on Live Journal June 13, 2006, on Numisma's monthly spam!post; edited and re-posted June 14, 2006

**The Proposition**

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Sesshomaru stroked his claws in a languid fashion up and down the thick shaft of Tokijin, admiring the way the dim candle light gleamed on the forged metal. The demonic blade, spawned of Naraku himself, was always testing him, tempting him, and it had something definite in mind tonight.

_Haven't you always wanted to feel my full power, inu-sama?_ the katana rasped in that dry, husky voice that never failed to catch his attention.

"Your power, as you call it, is as pathetic as your hanyou sire."

The blade chuckled softly, its voice a purr. _I have never demonstrated my true ability, inu-sama, but for you ...don't you wish to know the real purpose for which Kaijinbo forged me?_

"Not particularly." Sesshomaru affected a bored tone, but he was keenly aware of how the demonic aura of the blade rippled in an almost sensual manner as he handled it. He laid it down on his thigh, and was not surprised when the aura reached out towards his obi and began to toy with it, caressing the silken fabric, winding around it, 'accidentally' grazing the slowly tenting hakama beneath. Sesshomaru refused to squirm, but his eyes were glazing slightly when the blade again spoke.

_Did you not ever wonder as to my size and girth, inu-sama? And why I have no sheathe?_

"I do not particularly care..."

The blade chuckled again, and its aura made no pretence of its intent in loosening the gaudy silk, and then the ties securing his hakama. _Kaijinbo was mistaken that I yearned for your brother's blood, though there would have been some of that if I had my way with him; of that I have no doubt._

The aura slipped underneath the silk fabric and wriggled, curling around and against his skin; Sesshomaru gritted his fangs against the seductive sensations. The katana began to vibrate; he gripped the hilt in a white-knuckled hand.

_My true desire that night, inu-sama, was to find a proper sheathe...one that could accommodate me...that I could enjoy being contained by..._

"And you suppose that _I_ will provide you with a sheathe that meets your requirements?" Sesshomaru's eyes nearly crossed when the aura delved down between his legs and began caressing other parts of his anatomy while not leaving off the gentle tugging and cupping it had been indulging in.

The blade, leaking dark vapour from its tip, fairly quivered in anticipation. _Quench my desire, inu-sama...discover my true purpose!_

Sesshomaru sighed then, and gracefully stood up, bunching his loosened clothing with the hand that held Tokijin. He strode toward the open window of the room, and dove out in a flash of silver and white into the indigo darkness of the night.

In mid-air he coiled, spun and transformed, landing in the garden of the castle as a massive, three-legged dog, a now-tiny sword gripped between the toes of his forepaw. Carefully, the dog seated itself, trapped the blade deftly between his teeth and tongue, then curled his long body back on itself while arching his tail out of the way, the sword pulsating deliriously…

…and calmly used the katana to itch that one spot at the base of his tail that he never could _quite_ reach while in canine form, thoroughly enjoying Tokijin's outraged spluttering at once again being denied.

**_finis_**


	5. The Question

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Inuyasha or Sesshomaru (and I'm sure they're thanking their lucky stars for that small mercy).

**A/N: Warning**. Implied Inu-cest. Do not read if that idea alone squicks you out. Inspired by a Mir/Inu bad!fic written by the bodacious Empatheia.

Also posted on Live Journal June 14, 2006.

**The Question**

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_Damn, that hurt._

Inuyasha winced, and tried to roll over, but he was held immobile. _Shit; still can't move_…

He lifted his head as high as he could to survey the churned-up clearing. Pieces of torn-open armour, shredded clothing of various colours, smears of blood…the predictable result of an encounter with his charming brother. _Eating dirt, as usual_…_fuck._

Working his arms out from underneath his body, he propped his chin on his fist, and contemplated a number of things. Finally, like a spell being lifted, the weight removed itself from his back…and then fangs nibbled on his right ear until he flattened it into his hair.

"Thinking, dear brother? That's not your usual style…" The cool tones were gently amused.

"Keh. Just wondering something…"

A long tongue swirled down the side of his neck and across his shoulder, leaving goose bumps in its wake. "And that would be…?"

Inuyasha managed to wave at the wreckage scattered around the clearing before his brain completely turned into a mushy puddle of desire

"Why the hell do they call it fore_play_?"


	6. The Lord of the Dance

**Disclaimer**: I don't own anything… especially not Sesshomaru (lucky for him!).

**A/N**: This crack!ficlet grew out of a series of free-wheeling LJ conversations that somehow managed to string together Sesshomaru, lap dance, g-string, Riverdance, personal managers… and a plot bunny was born. Rated for coarse language and citrus content.

Wicked Oni and Manon Le Chat, it's all your fault, and Sess would like to speak with you.

First posted on LJ on 15 September, 2006.

**The Lord of the Dance**

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"I really don't think this is a good idea…"

"C'mon, Rin… it'll be a blast! I've heard the final dancer of the night is totally hot!"

"I should go home and prepare for the meeting tomorrow morning…"

"Oh, don't be such a stick-in-the-mud, Rin. You haven't come out with me for ages, and this is to celebrate your first real job since finishing your business diploma!"

Rin shot Shiori a very direct look. "I'd hardly call watching…"

"Really hot, incredibly gorgeous men…"

"… take off their clothes and gyrate for a roomful of screaming women 'celebrating'. How about a nice latte and dessert?"

Shiori frowned. "Since when did you become such a prude, Rin?"

The young woman sighed and rubbed the arms of her suit jacket. "I'm not, Shiori, but it just seems so… depraved… uncivilized… or something."

"Considering where you now work, isn't that attitude a little hypocritical? It's just a form of entertainment, if you want to think about it that way."

Rin sighed heavily. "All right… let's get this over with." Shiori giggled, tucked her hand under Rin's arm, and led her reluctant friend over to join the line-up outside the nightclub, underneath the flashing marquee advertising the one-night-only-appearance of the 'Lords of the Dance'.

Once inside, Rin flat-out refused to sit in the front row despite Shiori's pout, instead choosing to take a seat on the elevated mezzanine that ran around three sides of the room, giving a clear view of the dance floor that was doing double duty as a stage. A waiter took their drink orders, and Rin was enjoying chatting with Shiori about her new job so much that she almost forgot where she was… until the lights went down and the sound system crackled.

"Good evening, ladies… are you hot tonight?" The answering affirmative scream of female voices had Rin clapping her hands over her ears, and then music thundered out of the speakers as the first dancer, billed as 'Wolf', strutted out to take up a stance on centre stage. Next to her, Shiori squealed enthusiastically and joined in the rowdy cheering, while Rin tried not to look as the fur flew. From the volume of whistles alone, she guessed that 'Wolf' must be fairly good at shaking his 'tail' and she finally risked a glance that had her turning beet red in a flash, much to Shiori's amusement.

"Jeez, Rin… you'd think you've never seen one before!" she yelled over the noise, poking the squirming girl in the arm.

"I haven't… not like that, anyways…" Rin muttered to herself, concentrating on taking a sip of her drink and trying to will away the flush on her cheeks. She barely glanced at the next dancer when he was introduced, only noting his long white hair and flashy red outfit, until Shiori tugged on her sleeve and pointed. She received an eyeful of toned muscles as the dancer did something incredibly athletic with a sword as his prop… and his personal weapon was nothing to sneeze at, either. Her cheeks flamed again, and she flagged down the waiter to order some ice water.

Shiori grinned broadly and ordered the same. "You look like you need to take a cold shower, Rin! Did you like that last dancer? You've always had a thing for guys with light-coloured hair."

"Uh… not tall enough."

"His sword was pretty impressive, though! Ooh, have a look at this guy!" Shiori swung her attention back to the stage, for which Rin was entirely grateful. The neck of her blouse felt tight in the heat of the room; she undid several buttons and rolled up her sleeves before peeking at 'Hellfire'. The dark-haired dancer threw off a white fur cloak and began doing things with his appendages that had Rin wondering if something had been slipped into her drink.

"I need to visit the ladies' room… you coming?" she asked, digging her wallet out of her briefcase and preparing to leave the table.

"No way! I'm not missing a minute of this! I'll save your seat." Shiori waved her away, not taking her eyes from the stage. Rin briefly considered ditching her friend and going home to review her notes for the meeting the next morning, but then realized that there was only one dancer remaining before the show was over. Shrugging, she wove her way through the crowd to the restrooms.

It was easier regaining her seat once she returned, since it seemed that the entire audience was now down in the 'pit' screaming for 'Hellfire' to give an encore. Shiori was down there, too; Rin easily picked out her silver hair among the sea of dark heads. 'Hellfire' smirked and complied, until Rin wished she'd brought earplugs to muffle the enthusiasm. Finally, he swept off the stage and the lights were briefly doused.

"And now… put your hands together, ladies… give it up for… the Lord of the Dance!"

The screaming rose in volume until Rin winced and plugged her ears. Then a spotlight snapped on, revealing a tall, slender dancer garbed entirely in white, a length of fur draped over one shoulder and trailing down to the floor. He tossed his head, and Rin blinked at the knee-length silver hair swishing audibly in the sudden stillness.

Then he began to move, and she couldn't tear her eyes away. He was lithe and graceful, his hair and the fur accessory accentuating his flowing movements until she felt hypnotized… but he seemed remote, almost uninvolved… until their eyes met across the room. Rin gulped and recoiled a bit from the intensity in his glance, but then his body language subtly changed. He became even more fluid, more sensual as he appeared to gauge her reaction to him, his eyes always finding her in the darkness and Rin could hardly breathe around the idea that he was dancing for her alone. She sat up straighter, moistened her lips and gave him her full attention; she was sure that he noted her reaction when a faint smile ghosted across his lips.

When he dropped the robe, there was a sharp intake of breath around the room, and then the appreciative cat-calls began. Rin, however, barely noted his masculine attributes because she was studying his face and wondering why he seemed so familiar. The dancer, billed simply as 'The Lord', seemed to float over the stage, the fur alternately hiding and emphasizing his physique.

When the lights went out, the roof nearly came off from the screams of appreciation. Rin shook herself and contemplated dumping the contents of her water glass over her own head before checking her watch and jumping when she saw the time. "Darn it, where's Shiori? Now I really have to leave…"

The lights came on again, and the screaming became even louder, if that was possible, as all four semi-nude dancers vamped. 'The Lord', however, remained motionless, his eyes scanning the roiling crowd until they settled on her. Rin suddenly felt like she had been zapped with a laser pointer, such was the intensity of his gaze.

"Show this exceptional talent your appreciation, and remember private dances may be booked at the bar! Sign up now for a night to remember!" Rin clapped sedately and began collecting her things, chuckling at the general stampede surging towards the bar. Shaking her head, she restored her blouse to rights and shook out her jacket before looking around for Shiori.

"You have a generous friend." Rin spun around and found herself nearly nose-to-pec with a perfectly sculpted chest. Instinctively, she tried to back up, but was stopped by the table behind her. She forced her eyes upward to meet 'The Lord's amused gaze. They looked at each other for a long moment. "Did you enjoy the performance?" he asked, and Rin was disconcerted by the way her heart fluttered at the husky tone in his voice.

"Y-yes, v-very much so," she stammered, trying to scooch backwards a tiny bit.

He reached for the chair she had recently vacated. When she began to edge sideways, he casually dropped his hand onto the table beside her hip, preventing her escape unless she chose to duck under his arm. "Sit down."

"Oh!" She blushed instantly and furiously, and twisted the hem of her shirt between her fingers while looking everywhere but at the lean muscled frame filling her visual field. "I, er, have an early meeting, and I, um… really have to go now…"

His laugh was a low rumble, and long-fingered hands firmly pressed her into the chair. Before she could move, she had a lapful of highly-toned male wearing only a skimpy silver leather g-string. Her head shot up as her body went rigid; he smirked down at her flaming cheeks and took some time draping the white fur around her shoulders, apparently unaffected by the less-than-enthusiastic response of the young woman whose lap he was straddling. Wriggling his narrow hips in a very suggestive manner, he asked, "Your name?"

She somehow managed to squeak out, "R-rin…"

He paused, and studied her carefully for a moment, then made her squeak again when he brought his face very close to hers and delicately sniffed her hair. Rin closed her eyes and let his silver strands whisper across her skin. When he pulled back, she was unprepared for the rather predatory smile that lit up his face. "I am _very_ pleased to meet you, Rin," he purred. He used the fur to keep her in place as he began to slowly grind his pelvis against her belly, somehow managing to keep most of his weight off her thighs. Rin bit her lip, took hold of the frame of the chair in both hands, and wished desperately that she was somewhere else.

The motions of his body against hers woke feelings that she would have preferred not to experience in public, and she turned her head to the side, squeezing her eyes shut, fully aware that she was scarlet red from her hairline to her toes. Shrouded in the concealing fur, she stiffened when his fingertips brushed over one of her breasts, leaving tingles in its wake. _Please tell me that did not just happen!_ When the contact came again, the touch more deliberate and lingering, she whimpered and turned even brighter red as she tried to twist away. She was just about to dump him off her lap, Shiori's 'generosity' be damned, when he _cupped_ her breast and ran his thumb over the erect nipple. Through the fabric, his touch ignited her arousal so fast and hard, it actually _hurt_. _Eep! What the hell?_ She snapped her arms up over her chest and glared furiously at him. Undaunted, his fingers stroked her cheek, their owner observing her with a heavy-lidded gaze and then he laid his thumb against her lips for a brief moment before gently pressing down her lower lip and exposing the moist pink inner skin. Objection temporarily shelved, she trembled, lost in his liquid gaze for a moment until she ducked her head and found herself looking straight at his straining-the-stitching leather-covered crotch.

"You know the rules, Lord. No contact between the talent and the audience is permitted…" The waiter hovered nervously; Rin swore she heard a low growl from the man simultaneously humiliating and seducing her in full public view. He peeled her hand away from her tightly-crossed arms and deliberately raised it to his lips for a kiss, then extracted himself from her lap with more dignity than a nearly-naked exotic dancer should be able to muster and confronted the waiter.

"I am _not_ to be interrupted while I am entertaining a lady." When the waiter had beaten a hasty retreat in the direction of the bar, he returned his attention to Rin. Offering her his hand, he raised his eyebrow when she just stared at it like it might bite her, and his eyes glinted. "Interruption is intolerable… present yourself at the VIP entrance in ten minutes," he rumbled in a tone of command, and she bristled. He fixed her with his intense gaze while he unwound her from the soft white pelt. Rin only realized that it wasn't exactly a request until after he had turned and floated away, heading across the dance floor towards the stairs that led to the VIP area, which were doubling as dressing rooms for the night.

Giving herself a shake while trying to understand why she wasn't blisteringly furious at being manhandled in a public place by some guy… _okay, a hot, amazingly gorgeous, scantily-clad guy_… she scooped up her jacket and briefcase and stormed across the bar. With some surprise, she also realized she was the subject of very envious grumblings as she passed one particular table. "What makes _you_ so special?" snarled a dark-haired woman crowned by an elaborate coiffure decorated with a feathered comb.

Rin was startled at the depth of anger she detected in the woman's tone, but snapped back, "Crack open your wallet, and you too can have the pleasure of public humiliation!" Ignoring the woman's rejoinder, she squeezed through the crowd on her way for the door.

"Rin! _Rin!_ Where are you going? I have two private bookings with 'Hellfire' for us! How was 'The Lord'? That was your early birthday present, by the way!" Shiori caught her arm, violet eyes bright with excitement.

Rin shook her head and pulled away. "Um, thanks for the, uh, _treat_, but sorry, Shiori… I really have to go."

"Wait… what did 'The Lord' say to you? He looked really pissed off when that waiter interrupted…"

Rin fidgeted and protectively wrapped her arm across her chest. "It was nothing, really. He, er, just did a little bump and grind and that was it. He also asked if we enjoyed the show."

"Whoo-hoo! Did we ever! Oh, well, I'll cancel your spot with 'Hellfire'. Want me to see if there's another opening with 'The Lord'?"

"_No!_ No, it's okay… I really have to go, Shiori. Early start tomorrow, you know."

"Okay… see you later! Hey, you okay to go home by yourself?"

"No problem. I have money for a cab."

"Good. Don't want you using the subway from out here." Shiori blew her a friendly kiss and disappeared into the surging throng; Rin had to fight her way out past the hopeful men streaming in.

Once out in the chill of the night, she walked across the parking lot to cool down before shrugging into her jacket, then patted her pockets for her cell phone. _Crap… must have fallen out inside the club. I'll just have to go back in and have them call a cab, then look for it while I wait._ Sighing, she shouldered her briefcase and headed back towards the door, only to be brought up short by a piercing whistle. "Oi, wench! Are you 'Rin'?" She looked around, then up, and was rather startled to see the shirtless white-haired 'sword dancer' leaning over the railing of the second floor fire escape. "What's the matter? Cat got your tongue? I asked you a question, wench!"

"Who wants to know?" she called back up, and distinctly heard a snort.

"Jeez, just answer the question, all right?"

"If I _am_ Rin, what's it to you?"

"My idiot brother wants the pleasure of your company, that's what, so get your ass over here..."

Rin clasped her hand to her heart in mock regret. "Let me think that offer over for a minute… nope, not interested. Extend my sincerest apologies to 'The Lord', but I have a train to ca… _eep!_" She stumbled backward from the 'sword dancer', who was suddenly only an arm's length away, his amber eyes hard. _Did he jump down here? Who the hell can do that?_

"Look, wench, it's like this. When my brother sees fit to ask a girl up to his boudoir, it's only polite for her to be the one who tells him to get stuffed."

Rin gathered up her scattered thoughts. "He didn't exactly ask; he _ordered_ me, and that's after he took liberties with my body that should earn him a chat with the local constabulary, not a date." Her temper rose, but was caught off guard when the man confronting her started to chuckle. While she waited for him to enlighten her on the source of his amusement, she distantly noted the spiffy studded bandanna holding his hair back and caught herself admiring his ripped abdominals.

"Keh… the 'Ice Lord' groping someone… unbelievable. He actually touched you? No wonder he couldn't get his cock ring off; this is more serious than I thought. C'mon, wench… you can claw his eyes out yourself." Before she could object, he scooped her up, crouched, and then they were on the landing of the fire escape.

Rin blinked wildly as he set her on her feet and helpfully dusted off her skirt and straightened her lapels. She batted his hands away and stepped back, holding her briefcase in front of her like a shield. "H-how…? Wh-what…? How _dare _you just grab me like that!"

"Feisty little thing, ain't ya? Ask _him_ 'how' and 'what'… but do it before you turn him down, okay?" He began herding her as she backed away down the corridor, his arms held wide in case she tried to make a break for it past him. She certainly thought about it, but decided that dashing the other way, into the bar where she could lose herself in the crowd, was a better option. It _was _a good plan, until she was brought up short by a hard body behind her. Her escort was distinctly unimpressed. "For fuck's sake… move your hairy ass, Koga."

"Is dog-breath here bothering you, missy? Say the word and I'll remind him of the proper way to treat a lady…" Rin slowly looked up over her shoulder into the gleaming blue eyes and toothy grin of 'Wolf', and edged away.

'Dog-breath' rolled his eyes and sighed heavily. "Back off, fuckhead, or I tell Ayame that you tried to poach the headliner's girl."

"Okay, okay… enjoy your visit to the kennel, missy. Hey, Inu-koro, what time is Kagome picking you up?"

"Soon, and no, you can't catch a ride. Don't want the car stinking of wolf-shit." During this exchange, Rin had managed to put her back up against the nearest wall, and was gauging the distance between her and the exit. However, a strong hand clamped around her wrist as 'Wolf' stepped out of the way with a final jibe and 'Inu-koro' hauled her down the corridor, muttering fearsome curses under his breath. He stopped before a door detailed with elaborate brass filigree and reached for the handle.

"Why aren't you and wolf-boy out there earning extra cash by squirming on women's laps?" She was obviously stalling, but it briefly worked.

"Contract clause. Otherwise, our wives would skin both of us." He smiled at her, and Rin was struck by how handsome he was… and safe, if he was married. _Uh-oh_…

"So that means… 'Hellfire' and… 'The Lord'… aren't married?"

"Nope. You seem kind of reluctant… never done this before?"

Rin turned as red as the dancer's baggy pants at his apparent insinuation, and he raised his eyebrows as she raged, "No, I can't say I've been grabbed out of a public place and forced to spend time with someone against my will before. Look, I'm sure he's talented, but I'm really not interested in whatever your brother may have to offer. I just started my job, and I can't afford to pay his going rate for 'private entertainment', all right?"

He cocked his head, studying her as carefully as 'The Lord' had done earlier, and then stepped in close to take a deep inhalation of her hair. "Hmm… I hate to admit it, but the asshole might be right about you…"

She swatted his shoulder and snarled, "What's with all this sniffing? Do I look like a fire hydrant or something?"

_That_ made him smirk. "You're red enough to qualify, but your figure is much better!" She growled, and he grinned cheerfully at her. "Look, Rin… this is the first time my brother has ever asked someone to meet him backstage. Just go in and talk to him, okay?"

She bit her lip and hugged her briefcase even tighter while rapidly thinking through her options. "I go in, tell him 'thanks but no thanks', and you'll let me leave?" He nodded. "All right, then… I suppose so."

"Good girl. I promise he won't bite." As he opened the door and ushered her inside, he added in an undertone, "_Lick_, maybe, but he won't bite." Before she could react, he'd shoved her inside and closed the door with a firm 'click'. Rin yipped and grabbed for the handle.

"You are late."

She froze at the cool voice, swallowed hard, and half-turned, not taking her hand from the door. "Thanks for the offer, but I'm broke right now. I'm sure there are plenty of ladies out there who would be very happy to pay for a private performance…" There was a silken whisper immediately behind her, and her scalp prickled.

"Money is not my motivation." Hot breath on her neck sent goosebumps skating over her skin, and to avoid thinking about that, she dodged sideways and spun, putting her back to the wall and creating some distance between them… and then gulped. 'The Lord' was deliciously dishevelled, wearing a loosely belted soft dressing gown that revealed a sinful amount of very enticing skin. Glancing about for an escape route, she noted the white fur tossed carelessly on one of the couches. He took a step towards her and she retreated, sidling along the wall. "Why do you fear me?"

"You want a list? Wandering hands, arrogant attitude and a contract kidnapper. Look, I'm not interested, so if you don't mind…"

"_I_ am interested, and I _do_ mind." Rin squeaked and flushed while he took another step, and she scooted away, clutching her briefcase so tightly her fingers ached. They completed a partial circuit in this hesitant manner, until they were on the other side of the room directly opposite the door. "Sit down, Rin."

_Oh, no, not this again!_ "Uh, no thanks. I think I'll be going now…_oh!_" In taking a step back, preparatory to turning and bolting for the door, her calves contacted the couch and she sat down in a graceless heap… and he was on his knees in front of her, yellow eyes burning, caging her between his arms. Rin leaned back into the deep cushions as far as she could, clinging to her briefcase for dear life. "Wh-what do you w-want with me?" she whispered, when he made no further moves for a few moments other than to study her intently.

He did not respond, merely leaned in even as she shrank down until she could go no farther, until his cheek brushed past hers and he nuzzled her ear. He remained motionless other than his breathing, and then slowly pulled back to regard her with a heavy-lidded gaze. "You do not remember?"

"W-we've m-met before?"

"A very long time ago." His hands wove into her hair, removing the clip and stroking through the dark strands as they fell over her shoulders. He admired the results of his handiwork, twining a lock around a long finger and bringing it up to his lips.

She sucked in a breath when his fingertips wandered up the side of her neck. "You must have me confused with someone else…"

"There is no doubt." Then his mouth was on hers, his tongue demanding entrance as his weight pressed against her tightly-clenched knees. She briefly considered kicking him in the privates… until his touch gentled, became tender, less aggressive and more caressing. Thoughts ran wildly through her head, but there were considerably less of the 'eeeeekkkkk!' and quite a few more of the 'oh-this-feels-so-good' type. _Okay, I was sort of kidnapped, and I was kind of pissed off and a bit scared, but this… this is amazing_… Without really being aware of her surrender, she parted her lips and allowed him to deepen the kiss, as well as letting him pry her briefcase out of her hands and toss it aside.

She shyly ran her tongue along his teeth until she encountered something longer and sharper than she expected. Hesitantly, she explored the tip of his canine, and despite her limited French kissing experience, realized that there was something quite different about it. She began to pull away, but a deep _growl_ startled her into holding still and he gathered her against his chest, shifting her higher on the couch, parting her knees and pushing her skirt up her thighs to bring their bodies into closer contact.

"Oh… what are you _doing_?" she breathlessly demanded, and stilled when she saw his expression. His eyes were misty and his pale cheeks lightly flushed, his hair sliding over his shoulders to curl on the lapels of her jacket. Cool fingertips touched her cheek, traced her lips.

"I desire you." The yearning tone spoke to her heart, but then she remembered the sharpness of his teeth, and the two-storey leap made by his brother.

"_What_ are you?" she asked softly, highly aware of his fingers toying with the top button of her jacket.

"One who has waited a long time," he breathed as her jacket fell open, and his hand slipped inside to lightly cup her breast, moulding the soft flesh through the layers of fabric and lace. When his lips began tracking a path down towards her collarbone, she bit her lip and closed her eyes, arching her neck to give him better access. There was no mistaking the groan that escaped him, and abruptly her arms were pinned to her sides by her sleeves as he tore open her blouse and shoved both it and her jacket off her shoulders.

The sudden violence shocked her, and he paused at the fear in her expression. "Forgive me… it has been too long…" He gentled his touch, pressing tender kisses to her bare shoulders, staying away from more responsive places until she relaxed again, sighing softly. He returned to her mouth for a moment, then slowly peeled the straps of her bra down her arms and followed them with his lips. His fingers first released the catch of her lingerie, and while his lips and teeth distracted her, they began working on the fastening of her skirt; when Rin arched her back, he lifted her hips and slid the garment down her legs.

She froze, trembling, when she realized only a thin layer of lacy material separated them, but he pressed fevered kisses all over her torso while his hands wandered. Rin squirmed a bit and blushed with pleasure when he spoke. "Exquisite…" he murmured before freeing her arms, the discarded clothing piling up on the floor. He seemed to particularly like her thigh-high stockings, rumbling deeply as he dropped his silver head to nibble along the lace-trimmed edges. When she moaned and spread her thighs a little wider, he nuzzled the delicate fabric covering her short curls, then removed the scrap of material and lightly ran his tongue over the slick flesh. The girl gasped and bucked a little at his touch, and he repeated the caress until she was flushed and panting.

Rin quivered under his hands as he slowly kissed his way back up her body until he cupped her face. They regarded each other for a long moment, and then her smaller hands slid up his arms, over his shoulders and twined into his hair as she pulled him down for a deep, slow kiss. He gathered her very close, tense from want, and she responded by curling into him, whimpering with desire as he arranged their bodies on the couch.

She fumbled with the sash at his waist, and then there was only warm skin and aching need. Rin hardly had time to consider what was about to happen when it did, and she cried out at the sensation of his entry. He stilled, kissed her, whispered endearments until she sighed and relaxed in his arms, then tensed again as he sank deeper into her molten depths.

Rin watched his face as he moved within her; her eyes widened as a veil seemed to dissipate, revealing twinned red stripes on each smooth cheek and a blue crescent on his brow. Ancient memories hidden deep within rose to the surface of her consciousness. _First my protector… then my lover… he is_… "S-sesshomaru?" she whispered, and his eyes snapped open as she repeated his true name. She traced the stripes with a gentle fingertip, touched the heavy pigment outlining his eyes; when she tucked a lock of hair behind his ear and discovered the pointed tip, he shivered.

"Beloved?" he asked softly, interrupting her tender explorations. Rin smiled gently and leaned up to kiss his chin, then cupped his face, stroking her thumbs over his stripes. He sighed deeply, his eyelashes fluttering down, and he trembled before dipping his head to breathe in her ear, "I have waited so long…" He tensed, then surged powerfully as the waves of his release caught him by surprise, washing over him and threatening to sweep him away. Rin gasped and cried out again, her slim arms anchoring his body and soul to her heart.

When he could move without shaking, he wrapped himself and the fur around her, cradling her slender form, pressing kisses to her brow, burying his nose in her hair. Rin nestled into his chest, winding strands of silver around her fingertip, tracing the stripes wrapping over his hip. For a long time they were silent, speaking only through the gentlest of touches, until the young woman sighed and stretched languorously. "Where do we go from here?"

"My apartment is not far."

She giggled and tapped his chin. "I meant, what happens next… for us?"

"You must be by my side."

"Actually, I have to go work in the morning… oh, my gosh! What time is it?" She tried to squirm free; he gently trapped her under him.

"It is not yet midnight… where is your employer located?" His hair caught on something, and he had to interrupt his sensual investigation of the tender skin of her throat to pull it free.

"In Shinjuku…" she trailed off when she noticed the slow smile creeping across his face, then twisted her head to follow the direction of his gaze over the side of the couch. His long nails were tapping against the company logo adorning the corner of her briefcase, but her eyes were drawn to the stripes winding around his wrist.

"Crescent Moon Management… how long have you been employed there?"

"Yesterday was my first day, and I have an important meeting tomorrow morning."

"Crescent Moon is our manager and booking agent; I have a meeting scheduled at the office in the morning. I will escort you."

Her mouth went dry, and her eyes very wide. "Oh, no… I'm in so much trouble…"

"Why?"

She bit her trembling lip. "Yesterday during my orientation, it was drilled into me that staff members are not permitted to have relationships of any kind with the 'talent', and that an immediate resignation is expected."

He chuckled, a deep, contented sound, and kissed her until she was dizzy. "Do not concern yourself. I am in urgent need of a personal assistant."

Rin slowly began to smile, her eyes twinkling. "How do I apply for the job?"

"Your qualifications are outstanding; the position requires extensive travel and frequent interactions of a highly intimate nature… "

**Ж Ж Ж Ж Ж**


	7. Field of Screams

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Inuyasha.

**A/N: **This seasonal ficlet was created in response to the fabulous Forthright's Hallowe'en Drabble Challenge on LiveJournal, and was first posted on 30 October, 2006.

The requirements for the drabble included an alternate pairing, an appearance by Naraku, a pumpkin, a biting, and the line 'That's just scary'.

**Field of Screams**

**Ж Ж Ж Ж Ж Ж Ж Ж Ж Ж Ж Ж Ж Ж Ж Ж Ж Ж Ж Ж Ж Ж Ж Ж Ж**

It was near dusk when the foursome came across the field of pumpkins on the outskirts of a prosperous village. Great heaving mounds of tangled vines humped into untidy hillocks, revealing only tantalizing glimpses of the plump, turgid, rounded forms beneath.

Kagome stopped to admire the suggestively contorted landscape, and Inuyasha, for once, didn't immediately complain. Sango and Miroku stopped just behind them, but instead of the expected slap, Sango let out a shrill screech of surprised pain.

"Houshi! Have you lost your mind?" she shrieked and pushed him violently away.

The monk rubbed his cheek ruefully. "I just thought I'd try something different to approach you, instead of a grope. That was an affectionate nip."

"Nip? You weirdo… you _bit_ me!"

Kagome and Inuyasha rolled their eyes and sighed. Inuyasha sniffed deeply, then growled dangerously while firmly gripping his weapon. "Shit… I smell Naraku… and he isn't alone." Catching Kagome around the waist, he leapt them into the centre of the field, landing before an extremely large, pulsating heap of vines. Kagome let out a squeak as a tendril curled around her naked thigh and sensuously tickled the tender inner skin. Claws flashed, and the cursing hanyou slashed it away.

"Inuyasha… that isn't a pumpkin vine, is it?" she quavered.

"It's Naraku, all right… _by all the gods of heaven and hell_!"

At that moment, the vines fell away, revealing a dishevelled, flushed, familiar taiyoukai, his head flung back, his fangs bared and his claws buried in the long twining tresses of their hated foe, who was face-down and had his arms wrapped tightly around Sesshomaru's waist.

Inuyasha drew Tetsusaiga while yelling, "Sesshomaru! Is that bastard trying to absorb you again?"

Heavy-lidded yellow eyes focused briefly on the hanyou's narrowed amber gaze, and then the taiyoukai gave a very satisfied, very lop-sided smirk. "Not so much 'absorption', little brother, as 'consumption'…" His voice trailed off as his head lolled back.

"It must be the miasma is affecting his brain…" Inuyasha muttered. "Stand back, Kagome!" He squared up, but then an exultant howl pinned his ears back into his hair. The Tetsusaiga thudded gently to the ground as his brother's words sank in, to the point that he was barely aware of Kagome 'eeping' behind him, or of Miroku's arrival at his shoulder.

The monk cocked his head to one side as he put away his sutras, peering intently at the involved couple framed by the writhing 'vines', then shuddered. "_Eeyew_…that's just scary, what Naraku can do with those tentacles…"


	8. The Howling

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Inuyasha.

**A/N: **This silly, seasonal crack!fic was created in response to the always-Forthright's Hallowe'en Drabble Challenge on LiveJournal, and was first posted on 31 October, 2006.

The requirements for the drabble included an alternate pairing, an appearance by Naraku, a pumpkin, a biting, and the line 'That's just scary'. The rest of it is my fault…

**The Howling**

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"Oh, my goodness… what a dark and stormy night!"

"Nothing to worry about, my dear Lady Kagome. 'Tis merely a minor tempest."

The raven-haired young woman turned cerulean orbs onto the tall, slender man, observing his sardonic smile as well as the elegant cut of his satin waistcoat. She reached out and fingered the vivid red silk baldric slanting across his chest. "I suppose not, and we are fortunate to be inside with good friends, wouldn't you agree, Count von Naraku?"

"Perhaps you would care to join me for a post-prandial… drink?" he asked, eyes focussed on the inviting juncture of her slender ivory neck and shoulders, bared by the plunging décolletage of her Parisian gown.

"You must excuse me, Count von Naraku, but I am expected elsewhere. Good evening, sir." She curtsied, and swept away down the carpeted corridor and disappeared into the conservatory. Naraku twirled a lock of dark hair between slender fingertips as he contemplated her posterior view, then smiled very broadly, exposing sharp white canines as he went over his cunning plan to sample the Lady Kagome's manifest delights and beat out that poseur Prince Sesshomaru.

Hurrying through the grand corridors, she briefly repaired to her own lofty chambers to be disrobed by her French maid, and attired very becomingly in a lace-trimmed chemise. Her luxuriant tresses were released from the ornate coiffure and secured by a simple ribbon at the nape of her neck. Kagome dismissed the maid, cast a longing glance at her heavily curtained four-poster with its linens invitingly turned down, and sighed before straightening her shoulders and exiting the room.

The attar of roses lingered on in her chambers until the tall French doors leading onto the balcony opened, allowing a gust of wind to skirl through the room. A tall, slender figure wreathed in long, silver hair and an extravagant white fur-trimmed opera cloak stepped inside and silently closed the pane of leaded glass. Quickly realizing his prey was not present, the yellow-eyed creature of the night smirked fangily and executed his plan to upstage that infuriating Count von Naraku and avail himself of Lady Kagome's delectable first blood.

The embered glow of the fire highlighted the exotic striping adorning his skin as he stripped off his white silk shirt and trousers, tossing them carelessly over the chaise lounge. _Her French maid was a tasty morsel, and that kitchen wench… but they were just appetizers for the meal for which I have been saving myself._ Climbing into the great bed, he closed the heavy drapes and reclined luxuriously in the scented linens, smugly imagining Lady Kagome's reaction when she discovered Prince Sesshomaru awaiting her. The anticipated enthusiasm was extremely gratifying, and he fell into a light doze as he awaited her return.

The young lady in question was at this very moment being relieved of her peignoir by her sinewy-thighed lover. Wet lips closed over her aching nipples, causing her to arch helplessly like a taut bowstring as a pair of strong hands gripped her hips and guided her down until her Temple of Delight was poised above an eager example of rampant male flesh. Kagome moaned heatedly, gripping her tormenter's wrists.

"_Oooooh_, Sango, my sweet…what a _delicious_ surprise that the Reverend Miroku was able to join us tonight…"

"Only the best for your first time with a man, my love," replied the dark-eyed beauty, nuzzling her way up Kagome's satiny throat.

"Lady Sango, would you be so kind as to be seated, and I may commence this voyage of bliss?" The rakishly-grinning owner of the fleshy weapon currently working its way into Kagome's hot, virginal sheath nibbled lightly on Sango's inner thigh, and the girl sighed as she sank down until his nimble tongue teased her Coral Jewel.

In Kagome's dimly-lit, underused bedroom, a dark wraith slipped through the keyhole and materialized on the rich Turkey carpet. Count von Naraku smiled in anticipation of achieving his goal… the sweet, delectable blood of a newly-deflowered virgin. Dramatically whipping off his cloak, he tossed it and the rest of his clothing on top of a white silken pile of fabric and stealthily parted the heavy tapestry curtain. The flickering firelight fell across a gleaming ivory throat connected to a shapely shoulder. The supine figure indicated by the heavy bedclothes revealed a slender, boyish form. _Hm… she appeared more buxom when clothed… damn those corsets and bustles anyways!_ The scent confirmed that yes, this luxurious bed held a slumbering innocent… but not for long. Licking his lips, and readying his fangs, the Count von Naraku stripped back the covers and _pounced_.

On the other side of the mansion, Kagome, Sango and Miroku paused briefly in their experimental position, which involved a velvet bell pull, an antimacassar and a string of beads, at the high-pitched, blood-curdling howl that sounded over the keening of the wind, closely followed by loud crash.

The assistant gardener raced into the conservatory in his nightshirt and cap, swearing at the crystalline shards carpeting the floor. He stopped dead in shock as he spotted the carnage littering the raised bed that had housed her ladyship's pride and joy. "_Sweet mother of pearl_…" He pulled off his cap and bowed his head, honouring the wreckage of the once-proud, once turgid, once prize-winning white pumpkin, and then immediately visualized Lady Kagome's inevitable tantrum. "Bloody 'ell… that's just scary!" he grimaced and scampered off in search of trousers, shovel, and broom. He missed the emergence of a dazed, slimy, silver-haired, buck-naked vampire prince that wobbled out of the wreckage of the pumpkin shell like some sort of rejected Cinderella.

In the shadows of the damaged conservatory, another silver-haired, golden-eyed youth waggled his fuzzy ears and smirked as he thoroughly watered the aspidistras…


	9. Turkish Delight

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Inuyasha, in harem pants or hakama. Wish I did, but I don't.

**A/N: **This fic was written for Forthright's October 2007 'Sugar Buzz' Challenge on LJ's adults-only InuErotica community, and was inspired by some eponymous treats gifted to me by the generous Roseymouse-chan. Only 1031 words were permitted for the entire fic, and boy… was that requirement difficult to make stick!

**Bouquets:** Thanks to Ranuel for her suggestions, which saved Totosai from being 'trimmed'… but not in the same way as Inuyasha.

**Warnings:** Bad language. Rampant silliness. Possible cavities.

**Turkish Delight**

**Ж****Ж****Ж****Ж****Ж****Ж****Ж****Ж****Ж****Ж****Ж****Ж****Ж****Ж****Ж****Ж**** Ж Ж Ж Ж Ж Ж Ж Ж Ж **

_Where the fuck is everyone?_

Last night, he'd fallen asleep in his customary perch half-way up a large tree after listening to Kagome tell the runt some wild story about flying carpets, evil magicians, magical lamps, heroic beggar boys and a wish-granting 'genie'. He'd awakened this morning in a very strange world indeed.

Trussed up like a prize hog going to market, he'd caught a glimpse of a courtyard bounded by high white walls and colourful tiles paving the ground before he was hustled off to a steam-filled room that he readily identified as a bath house, even though it was totally unlike any he'd ever seen. Despite putting up a terrific fight after they loosened his bonds, he was quickly overwhelmed and briskly stripped out of his fire-rat armour by burly male attendants who brooked no defiance. He was then subjected to the extreme humiliation of being spread-eagled, _every_ part of his body scrubbed, rinsed, and finally massaged with scented oils that gave him a headache and made him sneeze.

When he saw the wizened old man that looked a little too much like that crack-pot Totosai approaching, bearing a wicked-looking razor on a golden tray, he adopted a wary attitude… until the bug-eyed old fart started chortling and grabbed the hanyou's penis in one hand while waving around the razor with the other. Inuyasha instantly assumed the worst and fought back, but he was knocked out by a hard blow to the back of the head.

His temper hadn't improved upon awakening with an audience, a throbbing headache, his wrists manacled behind his back and an odd tingling sensation in his crotch. Every time he moved, he set off some sort of musical sound, so he held still and tried to discover as much about his new situation as he could through his nose and ears. The scented oils still played havoc with his nose, but he could hear other people entering the room and confirmed that the show was about to start by peering through his lashes.

_If I could just get one hand loose_…

Carefully flexing his arms to test the heavy cuffs, he had to grudgingly admit they'd done a good job restraining him. His ankles were also bound, and whatever they'd dressed him in sure as hell wasn't fire-rat because his ass was _freezing_and his crotch felt… _fresh_.

_What the __hell__ did that crazy old coot do to me? Little Tetsusaiga better be hanging in the same place I left it…_

Inuyasha broke out into a cold sweat at his worst case scenario just as trumpets announced the entry of someone into the room, quickly followed by the swishing of multiple robes as people bowed and murmured greetings.

_Now__ what?_

He was dragged up off the floor and then dropped onto his knees, large hands holding him down by the shoulders and forcing him to bend his neck in submission. This was quickly followed by a sharp feminine protest that made his ears hurt and the rough hands left him alone. There was the sound of soft-soled slippers on the tile floor, the soft _swoosh_ of fabric and then delicate fingers cupped his chin and tilted his head up.

_What the…? Ka-kagome?_

His nose confirmed that under the thick layers of exotic perfume it was indeed his favourite shard hunter, but all he could see was her distinctive grey eyes because the rest of her face and body were shrouded in floor-length heavy white robes. She glared over his head at the men behind him, who instantly began muttering apologies. A gentle touch to his cheek and then the corners of her eyes crinkled as she smiled before straightening and turning away. Inuyasha stared after her with his mouth hanging open, until he was hauled to his feet and the ankle shackles removed. A hand planted in the small of his back gave him a not-too-gentle shove and he stumbled… but only because of his shock at his attire.

Billowing, sheer red hakama were gathered at his ankles and hips by rows of tiny gold coins that tinkled musically with every movement while his torso remained bare except for a twisted golden rope criss-crossed over his chest… but that wasn't what _really_ caught his attention.

_Where the hell's my fundoshi? Oh, __shit__… the fuckers __shaved my crotch_

More than a little stunned, Inuyasha followed in Kagome's wake until they entered a large, luxuriously appointed room featuring low divans piled with colourful pillows. As soon as the iron-bound door closed behind them, Kagome doffed the concealing robe and handed it over to a one-eyed crone, but he was so flabbergasted by the girl's lack of attire that he didn't spare the old woman a second glance.

Filmy green pantaloons hung from Kagome's curvaceous hips and a tiny cropped top of the same material made his mouth go dry. Her slim arms, throat and waist were adorned with enough jewellery to make the Emperor envious, her hair held back by an elaborate golden comb and jewelled pins. Smiling brightly, she led him over to one of the couches and seated him. The crone began working at the buckles pinning his wrists while the girl remained standing, delicately sifting her fingers through his bangs.

"What the hell is going on?" he demanded, his cheeks bright red as he looked everywhere but at the lusciously rounded… and _very_ perky… contents of her sheer top.

Instead of answering, she stepped in between his knees and put him face-first into her breasts while her fingertips searched out the spot on the back of his head where he'd been cold-cocked. The hanyou gurgled and grabbed for her bare waist, intending to quickly move her back because freshly-mown parts of his anatomy were publicly showing great interest. However, his hands refused to obey, instead yanking her flush against him as his lips closed over a pert nipple…

"_Eep!_ I-Inu-y-yasha…? Uh… you must have hit your head _really_ hard when you fell out of the tree…" Kagome's eyes were _very_ wide and her cheeks _very_ flushed as she scrambled backwards, bandage in hand. He blinked.

_A dream…? Then why are my balls so itchy?_

1031 words


	10. Hot Pink

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Inuyasha. Wish I did, but I don't.

**A/N:**Forthrightly picked a good-natured fight with Fenik, and the tufty-eared brat immediately grabbed an innocent little plot!bunny. Once he'd thoroughly corrupted it, he then brought in ButterYasha as the 'dialogue coach'.

Written for the 500-words or less 'Pink' Quickie Challenge, February 2008, on InuErotica.

**Warnings**: Nothing really graphic, but probably NWS anyways because of language and suggestive imagery.

**Hot Pink**

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Keh. Pink is such a _girly _colour, but in the right situation… it's fucking _awesome_.

Take her new high-school uniform, for instance. The short skirt's kinda darkish red… _cherry_? That's a _fruit_, houshi, not a colour; anyways, when she swings her hips just _so_, and like today there's a little sneaking breeze to help, the back flips up enough that you can see a bit of her light pink underwear… eh? _Blush _pink? _You_ keep your eyes on _your_ girl's ass; _I'll_ watch Kagome's. As I was saying, the view's especially good just after I've talked her into a quickie, and the backs of her thighs are still bright pink from where my hakama rubbed up against her skin.

_I'm _a pervert? Oi, now there's the pot callin' the kettle black!

There's also the way Kagome's throat flushes when I lick her breasts; the harder her nipples tighten under my tongue, the further the pink spreads until her entire body is… _rosy_? You mean, like the flower? Her skin _is_ pretty soft, I guess, especially the undersides of her breasts and the insides of her thighs, especially in that little dip before her short curls start. When I run my hands and lips over her, she tries so hard to stifle her sexy little moans because she knows they drive me insane until I can't stop myself from pinning her hips to the ground, or the futon, or the tree, or wherever I've managed to get her alone.

Keh. The only 'rosy' thing that _you'll_ ever see that close up is the slayer's armour… just before Hiraikotsu lays you out flat.

Where was I? Right. _Pink_…

The best part, though, is when we're on her side of the well, and the house is empty. She has this dark pink cover on her bed… huh? _Cerise?_ Fuck… _whatever_. Anyways, I _love_ that colour, because if I can get her clothes off and lay her out on top of it before she starts fussing about stains… she's so fucking_beautiful_. Her skin just… fuck, I dunno… _glows_ against it and I can barely get out of my fire-rat fast enough.

_Scarlet?_ Yeah, she looks good in red, too… but the only thing that _really_ looks good on her is _me_. Ya got that, houshi?

When I go down between her thighs and use my tongue on her, that warm, slick flesh turns a deep… _coral_? Fuck, houshi; she ain't hard_anywhere,_ although _I _am, by the time I'm done with her. Anyways, when she comes, her toes curl and her face flushes…_azalea_? Fuck, first she's a rock, now she's a flower? Feelin' a little poetic, houshi? If you could see Kagome with her hair all messed up, wearing nothing but a smile and a full-body blush, half-asleep on that rumpled pink cover after I've made her scream my name at least once… yeah, that's poetry, all right.

Keh. Wipe that leer off your face, houshi. Trust me, pink is _awesome_.

(499 words)


	11. In The Pink

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Inuyasha. Wish I did, but I don't.

**A/N: **A sequel (sort of) to the ribald conversation between our hanyou and our houshi which debuted in 'Hot Pink'. Special thanks to Butteryasha and his dialogue suggestions.

Written for the 500-words or less 'Pink' Quickie Challenge, February 2008, on InuErotica.

**Warnings**: Mild suggestion of sorta-kinda non-con (okay, you have to squint to see it, but_still_) and Inuyasha's potty mouth.

**In the Pink**

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You wanna know when I started likin' pink? Keh. Remember the day when you asked Kagome why she looked like she'd been 'sat,' because her hair was full of leaves an' grass?

You guys had gone on ahead lookin' for an inn to exorcise while she was bitchin' at me about _something. _She'd worked herself up a good head of steam when I glanced at her like I always do when she's rantin', just so it looks like I'm payin' attention. Meanwhile, I checked out her flushed pink cheeks and her heaving breasts… gods, her nipples go so _hard _under her shirt… and I had my usual insta-boner.

When I got a noseful of her arousal, though, this time somethin' inside me kinda _broke_. Not much difference, scent-wise, between fightin' and fuckin'… oi. Right now my 'sword' is gettin' more action than your 'staff', so who's the expert, asshole?

Anyways, when all my blood headed south faster than a retreating wolf youkai, I sorta glazed over. Kagome got even more pissed and instantly went for the 'sit', but instead I filled her hot little mouth with my tongue while I pinned the rest of her to the ground.

Fuck, she looked so _beautiful_ laid out beneath me, her hair spread wide, her eyes _this big_ as I kissed her until we both couldn't breathe. I wasn't sure if she was into it, because she dug her fingers into my shoulders like she was gonna push me away. Kagome's real skittish about kissin' and shit; Naraku doesn't scare her, but _me_ tryin' to kiss her? Major freak out.

Her scent was bouncing wildly between 'turned on' and 'scared spitless', so I waited for her to pick one. Hell, I wanted her, _bad_, but I wasn't gonna force her. My arms started cramping and I pushed up a little to stretch 'em; she must have thought I was gonna leave and made up her mind real quick. She let out this tiny whimpering growl… yeah, she _growled_ at me; it was cute… and kissed me back, kinda nervous-like. I tried to be gentle, but after what felt like fucking _forever_ she finally let me back into her mouth. She squeaked and tensed up when I moved her legs apart, but I stopped myself from ripping off her clothes… barely… and kissed her some more until neither of my heads could think straight.

When she rolled her hips, probably because her back hurt, I nearly lost control, and then I _did_ lose it when she innocently bared her throat. Her skirt was off and I was inside her so fast and so deep that we were both stunned by how easy it was. Fuck… she was _so_ slick and tight that I couldn't hang on long enough to make sure she got something out of it besides grass stains.

Made it up to her the next time, though… aw, _shit_. Look sharp… the girls are headin' back this way…

(496 words)

_tbc_


	12. Pink Slip

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Inuyasha. Wish I did, but I don't.

**A/N:**The conclusion to the on-going conversation between our hanyou and our houshi begun in 'Hot Pink' and 'In The Pink'. Thanks to Butteryasha for his input!

Written for the 500-words or less 'Pink' Quickie Challenge, February 2008, on InuErotica.

**Warnings**: Yep, it's definitely NWS due to language.

**Pink Slip**

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Oi… the coast is clear, houshi; it's _my_ ass that'll be in a sling if Kagome knew I was talkin' about this, so relax.

As I was sayin', our first time kinda sucked for Kagome. She was still tryin' to get her head around the fact that I was _inside_ her when I came so fucking _hard _I saw stars. It was fucking_incredible_… well, for me, but she didn't get anything out of it except for some aches and stains. I wanted to do something about it right then, but she got all quiet, so I let her up.

She was acting kinda weird, not looking at me and twisting her hands like she does when she's upset. Her panties were a lost cause, and she kept tuggin' down her skirt, so I wrapped my fire-rat around her. I sure as hell didn't expect her to start cryin'. Fuck, she looked so lost and scared that it took me a while to clue in that she thought I was gonna ditch her now that I'd had her.

Fuck… as if _one_ taste of her was _ever _gonna be enough.

I held on tight and made it absolutely fucking clear that I was _hers_. In fact, I kept kissing her even when I heard the runt sneak up; the little brat tried to cause a 'sit' because she was still cryin', but he backed off real quick when she told him she was _happy_.

Keh. Little bushy-assed twerp… anyways, I started plottin' how to get her alone again while I carried both of them towards the inn. When you took off to 'exorcise' that teahouse and the slayer followed, I tossed the runt out of the room and locked the door.

Kagome was tucked up all cozy in the futon, but I had us both naked in seconds. Her skin was flushed pink from her bath and got even pinker when I touched her… fuck, I couldn't believe how soft and warm she was. She smelled so fucking good, but she _tasted_ even better.

I licked her everywhere and… eh? _Fuck_… use your imagination, houshi.

Anyways, Kagome was a little tense and I figured that she was probably sore from earlier, so I kept touching and licking her until she stopped caring and started moanin' pretty loud. When she whispered my name in this sexy, husky voice I decided right then that I was gonna make her scream for me even if my tongue fell off from tryin'. She went over the edge so fast and hard that she brought the innkeeper runnin' with her racket; good thing for him that the lock held.

If there's a better feeling in the world than havin' your girl naked and willing in your arms, I don't know what it is… until _you_ idiots interrupted us and we had to jump back into our clothes.

Keh. I really like pink, houshi, but _only_ when Kagome's wearin' it.

(495 words)

_finis_


End file.
